Signs….signs….everywhere signs.

What the heck is going on with me lately?

I’ve been really obsessing about living this life of adventure for the last six months or so. I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted before. I’ve been starting to sell my things and researching everything I can online. All well and good right?

It seems like the last couple of months I’m getting all of these signs and I don’t know if they are telling me to stop this nonsense of a dream and sit tight, or hurry up and get my ass on the road, or if they’re just telling me to calm the hell down because I’m stressing myself out.

In the end of March I woke up with severe hip pain and it got worse throughout the day. By 10 pm I couldn’t take it anymore. I could barely stand or sit or walk and I was practically in tears. I decided to go to the ER, which I never do unless something is real bad…..and I have a high tolerance for pain. Anyway, it turns out that I had bursitis in my hip. Seriously? When did I turn 90? It sounds like a condition that old people get and I’m only 46.

Then mid April my costochondritis flares up again, it hasn’t bothered me in a while but tends to be stress induced for me. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s an inflammation of the lining in your chest cavity and it’s super painful and mimics a heart attack. It scary if you don’t know what it is but I suffered through it and it went away within a week.

Now yesterday at work I felt like I had something in my eye and I kept rubbing it. I finally looked in the mirror and saw that it looked like I was starting to get a stye because my top lid was slightly inflamed but not too bad. Until this morning, I woke up with my eye swollen shut and it’s all bulbous and red and a little goopy. Gross! Omg I look HIDEOUS!

So when I was in the shower I had a little melt down and started crying a little. Are these signs? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to be doing differently? Am I making the wrong choice? Or am I not making the right choice fast enough?

These are all rhetorical questions of course but I really wonder.

I’m not changing my plans for this adventure because I know once I hit the road all my daily stress will disappear and I will become a healthier person physically, emotionally and spiritually.

If you’ve read this entire post……thank you for letting me vent.

This entry was posted in Life, Random. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Signs….signs….everywhere signs.

  1. Steve says:

    Well……these may not be signs that are being sent to you, but you may be looking at these health problems as a heads up in the venture that you are wanting to take. I think your common sense and inner self are speaking to you. Listen to them!!

    I too have been in somewhat of a quandary for the last few years as to how or what to do to get rid of my wanderlust. I am in a situation that I am mentally unhappy and want to get away from it. Sorta like you I guess. I tried 5 or 6 weeks of going on the road and living out of my vehicle to see how it set with me. And although I did well, and made myself pretty comfortable as much as possible, I still wasn’t wanting to stay out in that sort of situation. Yes, I had the freedom and such to do whatever I wanted but when it came down to it, living in a vehicle was not the answer. Towards the end it was getting stressful. For some people it doesn’t bother them.

    I became pretty ill on the road during one trip and I was miserable. Without modern facilities and some room to move around being ill in a vehicle was hell.

    So, now I just take the little road trips occasionally to see things around our beautiful country and enjoy it knowing that I have a comfortable home to go back to when I get tired of roaming around, until something else changes and maybe I can find a situation that would help keep me out permanently. I still have the same aggravations and such but I can’t see where putting myself into a van or whatever to live would be better. I would be trading one set of aggravations for another.
    The only way I could see that living out on the road would be acceptable to me is if I were to do it in an RV of some sort, like a class A or C motor home with facilities like bathroom, kitchen, shower, etc. Otherwise I would feel like I was struggling. I lived in a class A for a few years and I was pretty happy for a while. But I changed and went into a house for various reasons. I should probably get back into something like that. But my retirement money would make that a tight financial situation.
    Keep listening to your inner self and common sense. If you can, try a test road trip and see how you like it. I know you don’t have a van as yet, but set up a car or whatever and go out for a few days, even a week and test the waters, to see how you fair.

    I hope you get better health wise and find peace in your life.

  2. Cheli says:

    You have some great points.

    I completely understand what you are saying but I feel like it’s more than wanderlust to me. I’ve done everything that we are all told we are supposed to do in life. I work hard, I went to college, I got married (then divorced 14 years later), I bought a house, I’ve grown in my career, I do well for myself and on my own. But there is still something missing that I don’t think I can get from being stuck in a location dependent home. There has to be more to life that this.

    I think I need to do this, even if it’s just for a year, to find myself. I know that sounds so cliche but I feel like I’ve done so much and have been through so much but I still don’t know my purpose in life. If I got out there and explored I think opportunities would come to me. I feel like if I just wipe the slate clean and get out there and be open to anything, you never know what could come your way. After a year, if I love it, I can decide a plan for an RV and become full time on the road. If it’s terrible, I come back home and start over.

    I think you’re right, I need to do a couple test runs over long weekends or a week. Although I don’t think doing it in a car would be a fair assessment but it would be good experience.

    I will continue to listen to my inner self and common sense, that is great advise. I will stop stressing about getting it done and just go with what comes my way. I still want to do this but I will slow down and listen to myself.

    Thank you so much for your input, it’s greatly appreciated.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *