What the heck is going on with me lately?
I’ve been really obsessing about living this life of adventure for the last six months or so. I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted before. I’ve been starting to sell my things and researching everything I can online. All well and good right?
It seems like the last couple of months I’m getting all of these signs and I don’t know if they are telling me to stop this nonsense of a dream and sit tight, or hurry up and get my ass on the road, or if they’re just telling me to calm the hell down because I’m stressing myself out.
In the end of March I woke up with severe hip pain and it got worse throughout the day. By 10 pm I couldn’t take it anymore. I could barely stand or sit or walk and I was practically in tears. I decided to go to the ER, which I never do unless something is real bad…..and I have a high tolerance for pain. Anyway, it turns out that I had bursitis in my hip. Seriously? When did I turn 90? It sounds like a condition that old people get and I’m only 46.
Then mid April my costochondritis flares up again, it hasn’t bothered me in a while but tends to be stress induced for me. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s an inflammation of the lining in your chest cavity and it’s super painful and mimics a heart attack. It scary if you don’t know what it is but I suffered through it and it went away within a week.
Now yesterday at work I felt like I had something in my eye and I kept rubbing it. I finally looked in the mirror and saw that it looked like I was starting to get a stye because my top lid was slightly inflamed but not too bad. Until this morning, I woke up with my eye swollen shut and it’s all bulbous and red and a little goopy. Gross! Omg I look HIDEOUS!
So when I was in the shower I had a little melt down and started crying a little. Are these signs? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to be doing differently? Am I making the wrong choice? Or am I not making the right choice fast enough?
These are all rhetorical questions of course but I really wonder.
I’m not changing my plans for this adventure because I know once I hit the road all my daily stress will disappear and I will become a healthier person physically, emotionally and spiritually.
If you’ve read this entire post……thank you for letting me vent.